Since the day that I saw that saying in the gym it has stuck with me, I even have it in my work out journal so I can be reminded of it every time I start to complain a little. That saying really wakes something up deep down inside of me, I think it teases my inner beast a little bit... it makes me want to really experience the pain, it makes me want to get through it and come out the other end a stronger person. I know that when I first saw it I immediately applied it to the wods and my personal success in the gym, at that point I knew what it was to hurt, what that "pain" felt like and I also knew that it would subside and I knew first hand that the "gain" was worth every moment of being uncomfortable.
In the last few months this saying has really taken on a new meaning for me, it has morphed from something that I used in the gym to something that I use in my daily life. The "pain" that I experience in my daily life is uncomfortable and stressful to say the least. There is one thing that I hold onto everyday to get me through, and that is my faith. I have this undying faith and belief that I will make it through this rough spot. I also believe that everything happens for a reason and God only gives you what you can handle and I have learned that I can handle A LOT. I have also looked within and discovered a great deal about myself and my values.
When things started to go down hill for me in November, every new little hill I thought was worse than the last... I really didn't think that things couldn't get worse. Here is my snowball in a nutshell...
first my ex roommate decides to run up a $600 electricity bill and doesn't want to pay me, electricity gets turned off... then we live without electricity and by candle light for about a month... then the roommate decides to leave... then I have to move into a friends living room putting everything I own into a 10x10 storage except for a dresser of clothes, some shoes, my movies and my 3 cats... then I find out that I will be loosing my job because they are closing down the campus that I worked at... then I have to find someone to take care of my animals until I can get back up onto my feet... then I put the remainder of my things into storage with the exception of one suitcase and 2 pairs of shoes... then I am officially unemployed... I find a job and then loose it within a month... I find out my license is suspended because I have unpaid tickets that I never got in the mail... now, present day I have $20 to my name that is about to go into my gas tank, which makes me officially beyond broke. I have the phone company, the storage facility, and a few other places calling me looking for money that I don't have. The worst for me is I have no idea when I will have the gas to be able to make the 45 minute drive to go to my gym and train with my community again.
A year ago I would have told you that there is no way that I would be able to live without my cats because they mean the world to me, I also would have said that I am too independent to be relying on anyone for help. I would have never thought that I would loose a 10 year friendship. I wouldn't have been ok with applying for a job to clean up after other people. I would have never in a million years expected to find myself in the situation that I am in today, right now.
Please, do not get me wrong, things are pretty stressful for me right now, but I dare not say that it could get worse... because I know that it can, and will. I think that everything happens for a reason and the good behind all of this is I have really discovered who my real friends are, and I think that I appreciate them so much more than I would have a year ago. I also know that when I work out its for ME not for a friend that I may be doing it with at the time, not for the person that showed it to me, not for any of my coaches, its for me and I know that 100% now. I now look at food in a whole new light, I appreciate the way I want to eat and am thankful when I am able to consume the things that I enjoy. I am so thankful every day for the things that I still do have and the things that I thought I couldn't ever live without, but I am. All of these things I see as small "gains" from the "pain" that I have been experiencing.
I know from working out that pain doesn't last... you might have the 2nd day sore REALLY bad, but it does subside, eventually.
I am so thankful for the time that I do get in the gym these days because working out at home, alone with just my inner demons screaming at me is difficult and hard. In fact I am pretty sure that my neighbors think that I am insane because I will scream to get through a wod in my living room the same that I do when in the gym, the only difference is when I am in the gym those negative voices are silenced by the encouraging yells of my fellow CrossFitters.
I really try to pay attention to what is going on in my head when I am trying to get through a workout and what I do with that is remember what I am feeling and what I am saying so when I get those same feelings of doubt and despair when looking for a job, worrying about how things are going to get paid, how gas is going to be put into my car or what I am going to eat I reflect on that 20 minutes (give or take depending on the wod :) when every fiber in my body was screaming at me to stop because it hurt and I didn't think that I could do one more rep, when I couldn't breathe, when my muscles were tightening and I still pushed through... that is what I think of... my infinite power to put mind over matter.
Because of the time that I have put into CrossFit because of the pain that I have experienced, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I am growing in the middle of all of this mess, I know that the end gain will be far greater than anything I am able to imagine right now, I know that every moment is worth it, good or bad.
I believe that if I hold onto my faith and knowledge that my shoulders are broad and can handle more than I think they can, that every thing happens for a reason, that I will come out the other end of this, with good, solid people by my side, I will be a better, stronger person ready for the next obstacle that life decides to throw my way.
I've known & experienced pain and I WILL know greater gains.
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