Growing with my community, my friends

I have been reflecting a lot lately on where I have been and where I am going. Its been just about a year since I joined CrossFit Costa Mesa and the leaps and bounds that I have seen myself grow physically and mentally is absolutely astounding to me.

I have struggled from the beginning of my journey with focusing on myself and not comparing myself to others and how they are growing. This is particularly hard for me when in the gym and seeing other people hit new PR's and get awesome times.

Recently I went on my gyms home page and read up on the trainers that we have. In a short amount of time I realized that the people that I have surrounded myself with have incredible drive and focus. Most all of those trainers made significant changes in their lives after finding CrossFit, and within a year or so.

My struggle continues in focusing on myself and not others. I discovered CrossFit and began my journey on July 8th and became a part of CrossFit Costa Mesa on July 15th. I am almost at the year mark of discovering CrossFit and in comparison I feel like I don't have as much to show for it. That for me was a negative and hard thing to accept, so I decided to re-evaluate and change my thinking.

When I first started one of my coaches, Steve was talking with me and a friend after the work out and was telling us to take a negative thought and change it by slowing it down, speeding it up, giving it a mickey mouse voice, look at it from above, below, etc... just do something to change the emotion attached to it. So that is what I decided to do. I started with looking in my workout journal from when I started, day 1, and flipped through reading my notes on different PR's that I had achieved and different things that I was feeling in and after a wod. Suddenly, for me, I realized that I had achieved just as much as those around me that I am comparing myself with.

I am going to take my reflection back a little bit and widen it so that others can maybe get a glimpse of what is possible and some achievements that are inside and outside of the gym.

For me, my most notable achievement is the squat, all of the trainers that were there when I started can tell anyone that I couldn't squat properly to save my life, I am not saying that I am perfect now, but I know when my knees are bowing in and when I don't go deep enough. Once I started to get that basic movement down I was able to understand some of the more complex movements! When I started I had a lot of toxic friendships with people that influenced me in negative ways and didn't support me in my personal life or encourage me to reach high for goals, while delving deeper into the CrossFit community I learned what it was like to have healthy, caring people around me. In time all of those toxic people have fallen wayside and aren't missed. Early into finding CrossFit I was struggling to cut loose an ex that was horrible for me in every way imaginable, before a wod one day I got a call from a family member of his saying that he was going to kill himself unless I came, on that day I decided to go to the gym instead of running and playing into that game, I experienced my first "CrossFit Cry" that evening and he never actually killed himself. That night I learned the importance of putting myself first and not playing games of that nature. There was one evening that I received a call from my grandmother and she had decided (for whatever reason) that is was a good idea to vent to me about how she was getting a divorce, was a failure at being a wife and some other equally heavy family issues, I then went inside the gym with all of that on my mind and completed a wod. I learned that night the ability to try to successfully leave my personal issues at the door and to block them out when I have a hard thing to finish... It wasn't easy but I had someone there to push me through the end of the wod until I finished and collapsed in a strange puddle of sweat, tears and accomplishment for finishing a wod with all of that on my mind. I had a great job that I loved and subsequently lost due to the economy, EVERY TIME that I talk to someone in my community I am met with genuine concern about my situation and am offered amazing ideas to make my ends meet and getting back into the gym on a regular basis. Since finding CrossFit I have awakened a desire inside of myself to better myself and influence others around me in a positive way. I am enrolling back in school for sports medicine and massage therapy with the specific intent on using it in the gym to help CrossFitters recover faster. I never wanted to go back to school and further my education, I was happy in my daily grind/rut. In my childhood and teenage years into early adulthood I was never athletic and had zero desire to compete, I have a goal of one day being apart of a CrossFit competition and I know, without a doubt that CrossFit will be apart of my life until the day that I die. These are just a few of the things that have happened in LESS than a year of me finding CrossFit.

I know that I am not a trainer (yet) and that I am not certified (yet) but looking back on my life I know that I have just as much to show for all of my hard work as anyone else. I have made it through some incredible mental/emotional obstacles. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am headed down the right path and that I have a community of people that care and will encourage me through rough spots. I have grown so much and in finding CrossFit Costa Mesa and I have also gained a group of friends that I know are genuine, hard working fun people.

Its hard not to compare yourself to others, but just take a step back and look at your life and see where you were, where you are and where your headed... you might just surprise yourself! :)